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TODAYS FUNNIES!
ENJOY!!

2008's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins......

Al Quaeda

Al Quaeda are putting bombs in tins of alphabet spaghetti.



If they go off, it could spell disaster...

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.



But most of all.....

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other!

Madonna..Job done!
When Madonna first moved to England she said she wanted to feel more English.

She is now an unmarried, single mother with three kids from different fathers, one of them black.

Job done.


BOOM BOOM!!!!!

And finally....Something to consider

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three
Who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
Syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?


Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.



Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates.


Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
Martinis a day.


Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
College and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.


Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks
An occasional beer and never committed adultery.


Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.









Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.


Remember:

Amateurs ... Built the ark.
Professionals ... Built the Titanic